Day 4

Today I am thankful for the last 2 years and where they have brought me, and what I have learned.

So much stuff happens in life and we go through it without a second thought. But if we do this we learn nothing. We have trials to teach us lessons, to learn and bring us closer to God. Struggling is hard while we are in that moment... but it makes us realize just how good we can have it and we cherish those moments so much better.

Live Like Everyday is Your Last

Life can take some interesting turns. As of late I have been hanging out with numerous people, some guys from my ward, a group that Clint introduced us to, and of course Lindsay, Emily, and Taila. Some things that we have done...

1: Hiked the Crimson trail on Memorial Day with a group of Clint's friends, went to Texas Road House for Ben's Birthday, and had a campfire up Green Canyon.

2: Went on a hike with Sean... ended up inviting Roger and Trevor to some hot springs with us in Ogden canyon... left with Roger and Trevor to go to Denny's and got home around 3AM... think I lost all chances with Sean and I'm ok with that.

3: Sundays we play games at Clint's apt.

4: Thursdays are at Cameron and Ben's playing more games.

5: Wednesday are usually filled by Country Dancing at the Fun Park

6: Monday June 14 was fun... it included making a video with Roger, Trevor, Taila, Emily, and Lindsay, where we ran around a park, I fell out of a swing, and we had a flour fight!

7: Movies seen this summer include... Iron Man 2, Midnight showing of Toy Story 3 3D, and A-Team, and will be seeing Eclipse with my mom and sisters.

8: Spent this last weekend with Trevor and Taila. We went out to dinner, got BoBo drinks, saran wrapped Lindsay's car, broke into Emily and Lindsay's house, Pha'zookies, and a lot of laughing from who knows what we inhaled. Oh and the not-so-redneck Demolition Derby in Preston.

9: Pulling pranks on the guys is always fun, oreo's, saran wrap, notes on cars, etc.

But I think the biggest lesson to learn is jumping into life head on. Taking chances, telling people how you feel, wearing your heart on your sleeve and risking everything. Definitely somethings that I need to work on. Life  passes by so quickly. You think things are good and going in the direction you want and then something happens and everything is flipped upside down. You feel that everything you thought was going right actually wasn't that way at all. You realize that its your fault for not saying, doing, or changing something sooner or at all, you realize that even doing that something may not get you what you want, but if you don't go for those things you will end up sitting on the sidelines and watch your life go by. I don't want to sit on the sidelines anymore, I want to take charge of my life, I want my happy ending. Whatever it may be, I want to be happy in the process of getting there, and end up happy when I reach the end.

Life In Limbo... not good!

Why does it always seem like I screwed up my life? I try my best to follow the Spirit and I take 5 steps forward and then trials come up and it seems as if I've take 10 steps backwards. Leaving me farther in the dust than from where I came.

Where is this coming from you ask? Well I have a lot on my mind. Mostly concerning my new job, and somewhat the state of my finances. Back in August I got caught up in a scam that left me in the hole about $6,000, plus him getting money that was my own. On top of that I didn't have a job all summer so I was quite devastated and didn't know what was going to happen. I knew where I wanted to work and had an interview set up for Oct. in Vegas with the Steiner Company who hires for cruise line spas. Mid Oct. through email I found out that I was hired and was going to be training in Hawaii. Well in the middle of Nov. I got another email with a packet of information that I needed to fill out, then scan and email back. Did that and now I have just been waiting.

I understand that large companies move slowly, but this is ridiculous! I have currently got rid of my car, since I won't need it, and am still living at my parent, not only to save money, but because I hardly have any money to my name. As much as I love my parents and my family I've lived on my own a couple of times and have my own way of doing things, we get on each others nerves. and now with getting rid of my car I've had to revert to asking permission to borrow one of their cars.

I thank everyone for their support and patience with me. I just wish I could learn what Heavenly Father wants/wishes me to learn so that I can get on with this. What does He have in store for me?

Thinking about where I am, where I'm going, and what got me here

So this is kinda weirding me out to write about but its on my mind so I need to write to get it off my chest. Usually I'm very happy and optimisic, can't wait for what comes next, and just happy being where I'm at, with the great people that I surround myself with. But tonight I just feel old and lonely which are two things that I most certainly am not!

Sarina and Tyler got engaged tonight. Out of my group of friends from Middle School in Evanston, Wyo there are very few of us left. Also the real kicker is that everyone is married or getting married to someone else in the group. Scott and Brooke married. Cameron and Kayla married. Conrad and Alex engaged. Chris married, with a kid. And now Tyler and Sarina engaged. There are still a few of us left, but the only one I still talk to is Shane and as far as I know we are just friends.

I consider myself very accomplished. I'm a hairdresser/stylist/nail tech, I graduated from esthetics school and just need to take my test to be a Master Esthetician. I've done a little traveling, moved out been on my own, done so many things that I wouldn't have been able to do if I settled down already. And I have a job where I will get to do more traveling, meet new people and have many more crazy adventures... when I finally leave.

I've been watching the show Being Erica lately and I love it. Erica is 32, still single, and recently fired. She meets this therapist who is able to send her back in time. She has the chance to change how she did things, and usually she learns that by changing things she is still the same person but has learned a lesson that she can apply to her life now. Its so true you have to learn from your past and not make the same mistakes.

Its been reminding me of myself of late. I've been thinking back on my life, wondering where I would be had I one through High School differently, had I dated James or Billy. Or even just this past year, Billy got home off his mission and I ran screaming the other way. I started dating David, but he wasn't the guy for me so it ended as fast as it started, these days if you're not interested they feel lead on if you keep going on dates. But I know that things happen for a reason and you just keep going along in life. Hopefully you learn something and grow stronger. Anyways Im getting off this soap box of mine with a song that I have grown to love. Most of you will recognize it, and right now it is how I feel.